Love and Lemons

Is anyone else coming down with a case of “too-muchery” (Non-oxford dictionary translation: when everything gets too much)?

On the flip side, do we really want “not-enoughery” (Not getting enough)?

I wonder if there is a middle, a spot to settle into that balances the two extremes. When I think of extremes, I imagine a rope – one extreme being on the one end of the rope and the second extreme on the other. Tug of war is the game here, both pulling as hard as can be to win – all the meanwhile leaving the centre of the rope filled with tension and conflict until one side seizes. Could it be more productive, fulfilling and perhaps more solution-focused to have both sides feel a sense of achievement. If we encourage the two ends to loosen their pull and begin to walk closer to one another and meet in the middle, the rope begins to have flexibility while both still feel a sense of holding the rope.

The rope then can begin to resemble a sense of HOPE.

In previous newsletters I have introduced the concepts of gratitude and thought control. Today the two dance together in bringing the concept of Learnt Hopefulness – learning to look at things more than one way. The idea of beginning to look at challenges we face (one end of the rope) with the lense of gratitude (other end of the rope), to shift perception and create hope which invites further possibilities (the middle).

Practical exercise:
Close your eyes and imagine a freshly picked lemon. Smell it and then see yourself taking a large bite of that juicy lemon (Don’t continue reading. Stop, close your eyes and imagine it). Can you notice what happened inside of your mouth? For most of us you would have noticed the production of saliva in your mouth.

Your mind just changed your biochemistry!

Now, close your eyes and imagine someone you love in front of you and feel what that is like in your body (Yes! do it again – close your eyes!). For most, there will be a feeling of warmth particularly in your heart area and perhaps even a smile on your face.

Note – there was no real lemon and the person you love was not right in front of you – but your body reacts as if it was.

So start your days thinking of a success, a love, or a gratitude. A Harvard Business Review article shared outcomes of a study that looked at how consuming negative news can make you less effective at work. The study showed when participants were exposed to just three minutes of negative news first thing in the morning, they had a 27 percent higher likelihood of reporting that they had a bad day six to eight hours later.

Lemons and love. Live consciously and consider all the ways to look at a situation and be mindful of what you take in – as it creates your reality.

Science on:

7 Decisions of High Hope people (research by Positive Psychologist Dan Tomasulo):

1. Look For Possibilities
2. Notice The Good
3. Cultivate Positivity
4. Use Strengths
5. Adjust Goals
6. Engage With Purpose
7. Cherish Others

Why is this important? Because the research shows that people with high hope live longer, have fewer illnesses, less pain, better sleep, less depression, higher well-being, better productivity at work, and are happier than their less hopeful counterparts.

This month’s challenge:

Time yourself for 1 minute and write down a list of all the things you did yesterday. Time yourself again for another minute and reflect on each item on the list with a lense of gratitude (how you can be grateful for that item).

An example:

List/ Gratitude

Woke up/   I’ve been gifted a new day
Showered/   I enjoy warm water and how nice it feels
Ate breakfast/   Fuel for my day
Set the kids up for online school/   The ability to adjust
Work meetings/   I have a job and income
Cooked/   A gift I give to my family

Supercharge the challenge:

Use this same concept for challenges. As difficulties arise in your day, challenge yourself to 1) acknowledge the difficulty and 2) consider how you could be grateful for this challenge.

Feel the hope and balance this brings!

An example:

Challenge/ Gratitude

My child throws a tantrum/ Perhaps this is a symptom/ sign that I am not giving her enough time as I’ve been very busy and distracted lately. I am grateful that I now have the opportunity to work on it

Feeling exhausted and burnt out/ My body is loyally letting me know that I need to slow down and take care of myself

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